Snakes in Pair A Dice

No Telling

Hey, I was willing to overlook the one baby snake we found last month. It could have been some wayward copperhead that never read the homeowner’s association memo. Illiterate, lost, whatever, Em used the business end of a new shovel to send the nasty thing to it’s reward. One snake, one bad Sunday morning, over and done.

Or so I thought.

On my way to work this morning I saw my sweet neighbor-lady pinching dead roses off her bushes. 7:30 in the morning and there she was bent over a few plants, wearing an open housecoat over some sweats. She was positively intent over those little bushes, deadheading away like a woman possessed. I decided to be neighborly – something I don’t do often around here since a little casual conversation in the yard usually ends up with someone calling somebody the Antichrist and making me sit through an hour of Bible verses offered as proof. It’s risky.

So I cruised up in the Avalon, rolled down the window and said good morning. Your roses are lovely, ma’am. We’ll have to trade cuttings in the spring. Like that.

She rose up out of that bush and waddled down to the curb to get a better look at me. I’ll be pleased to, she says, in fact, if I find one more copperhead in my beds you can have the whole house.

Not only has she found three (three!) baby snakes in her flowers, she also found one in her living room caught fast on one of those sticky bug pads. A snake. In the house. She refused to pick the thing up, and three days later when the bug man came by, she showed it to him.

That’s a baby copperhead, ma’am, he said, and it’s still alive. She walked out to the garage, grabbed an axe, and diced that snake it right there on the living room floor with the bug man looking on.

I wasn’t there, but I imagine that bug fella took a step or two back. An old woman with an axe makes a powerful impression.

If you add in the roadkill snake we found up the street, that puts the official Copperhead Count at six. That’s too many to ignore. We only have the one shovel, and while it was the right tool for the job before, I feel certain it’s time to bulk up the arsenal.

It’s Home Depot time.

Dandy sign via txt2pic.com, where there are entirely too many ways to waste time and create lasting art.

32 thoughts on “Snakes in Pair A Dice

  1. Yikes! This is why I like Belgium. No copperheads. I don't want to be the one to go looking for the mamma. Especially when she hears what you've done to her babies!

    Today's word is “loansup”. Sounds like McBank! Fries with that?

  2. I have a snake living right outside my front door… he scares away the sales people so I let him stay. Mine is not poisonous.. but a copperhead would freak me out.

  3. Oh Monda! Snakes again? I know we have them here, too, but fortunately they are keeping their distance. As long as the winter is mild they won't try to break in.

  4. At the very least, we need another shovel. The axe sounds daunting. Besides, the short handle tends to invite a closer kill than I'm comfortable with. Sticky-traps? I don't know.

  5. Sticky traps really aren't effective. If it's a larger snake, the thing will just sliver off with the trap in tow. While that make a funny mental image, I don't think I'd want one anywhere near my house! Good luck with that!

  6. Oh Monda!

    Sounds like your snakes need to get their slithery behinds to the next HA meeting and fast, tell em they need to check the charter and then hop on the nearest Greyhound outta there!
    Least with winter coming, they should be getting ready to bed down and leave the people alone!

  7. Now I've got the heebee-jeebees. We have snakes around here, too — but my husband grew up with Rattlers, and he has a hatred for snakes that is unmatched. My current home-owner pet peeve: scorpions. Those little bastards are a real pain in the a**, you know it?!

  8. I HATE snakes! I actually stepped on a copperhead a few years back and it struck my foot. Thank God the flimsy strap on those cheap Wal-Mart flip-flops kept the little S.O.B. from penetrating with both fangs. Luckily, no venom was released either. The real ordeal was when I got to the ER and they wanted to know if I brought the snake with me. Yeah, because that was my main concern after being BITTEN BY A COPPERHEAD! If they weren't asking if I brought the snake with me, they were asking if I was sure it wasn't just a stick. They ended up giving me a tetanus shot but I can assure you that the copperhead wasn't rusty 🙂

  9. Can you put an axe head on a shovel handle? That might be more effective. I agree that the axe is a little too short for comfort, but I'm not sure I'd trust a shovel head to be sharp enough. The sticky tape, though, good idea if it keeps the little buggers stationary while you're killing them. I'd have sticky tape at every entrance to the house, including the windows. You know, just in case.

  10. i don't mind them as long as they stay outside and eat rats and mice instead of biting the cats.
    as an enthusiastic teenager i scooped a tiny copperhead [the Australian version] into a cardboard box [it had been lurking under the reading material in the smaller of the thronerooms] and took it to the local wildlife park.
    the reptile curator picked it up by the pointy end, gazed lovingly into its eyes and poured it into his shirt pocket, murmuring 'ooh, we didn't have one like you yet'.
    a simple action that turned my sturdy knees to jelly.

  11. The way your neighbor wields that axe, maybe you just have to call her over! It might just be worth listening to some bible verses. I'm just saying….

  12. Are you sure that getting as close to the snake as the end of a shovel, axe, or pointy hoe is a good thing? Isn't there some sort of deadly spray you can use from a safer distance?? Eek.

  13. I'm with Indiana Jones when it comes to snakes–I hate, hate, hate, hate them. In Kentucky, we have all kinds of them. I would so be ready to move.

  14. MMM, it looks like you and Em have the same suggestion. I'm hoping it's cheaper to buy a hoe or something. We'll see.

    Jmberrygirl, I had a river rat in my house once that picked up the sticky trap and waved it menacingly at me. Those sticky-things weren't made for real vermin.

    PaperbackWriter, that's what folks keep telling me – they're looking to winter-over. I can't tell you how that gives me the heebie-jeebies. What the hell happens in the spring?

    Oh, Deirdre. Potato bugs ARE some ugly.

    Jennifer! You were saved from certain death by Wal-Mart flip-flops! There's a CNN story in there somewhere for sure. Did you bring the snake WITH you? Were they kidding?

    Good God, Nathanael. That spider's the stuff nightmares are made of. Don't you dare get bitten by one of those. I don't care how fast they run – you run FASTER.

    Oh, India. That's lovely. Or it would be, except it was a COPPERHEAD in his POCKET. The thought of it makes me just shake.

    Pat, you can bet your last dollar I'm calling in the Geriatric Axe Gal next time. She's got some moxie, that one.

    Erin, I've got a friend who tells me there's some kind of snake repellent I can sling willy-nilly around my house. He swears it works and we're going to find out tomorrow.

    Why'd it have to be snakes, Renee? Listen, if we weren't in this recession the house would've been vacated a few weeks ago. I've no choice now but to stay and fight.

    Unless…

    anyone interested in buying a garden home?

  15. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH and UGHHHHHHHHH

    are my only comments!

    just FYI The ER wants the snake for identification purposes because different snakes require different antivenom medications- they can save your life and you limbs more effieciently if they can be sure they correctly identify the reptile

  16. ps please excuse my spelling I was just bopping on here for a minute-but now obsessively must correct my inefficient spelling- and now I'm truly late!

  17. Just about the scariest post I've read in ages! In the house yet! I hate snakes- and the closest encounter I've had in years was in the garage. I have a creepy crawly feeling right now. I'd be outta there if I were you!

  18. There is something about your writing or blog that makes me think of somewhere warm and pleasant 🙂 I love your writing and stories and you have quickly become one of my favorite blogs to visit. So…I linked you for a blog award! Come on over and claim it 🙂

  19. Thank you so much, Pat! I'm honored.

    Betty, such a lovely compliment. Thank you. And the snakes – they MUST go.

    Oh, Sally. If anyone here is bitten, that snake will be in pieces too small to identify.

    Barbara, we do have a ferocious weenie dog who's particularly unhappy about uninvited guests of all kinds. We've got him on patrol.

    You got that right, Olivander. The Perfect Grandson's feet never touch the ground outside. I've got some snake eradication experts from out in the county who are on on this now. The reptiles will NOT win.

    Robin – thank you! I feel like a princess!

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