Redneck Tasering and the Razor-wire Rodeo

No Telling

Occasionally I find a ditty in the local paper that requires sharing. Those of you familiar with renegade pigs in the freeway and the survivor story of the swimming-pool hog may not be a bit impressed. Anyone who’s read my picks from the local police blotter might be too jaded at this point. I don’t know. Even News of the Weird may have a difficult time believing this one.

It seems we have a jail escapee. A gentleman who managed to unhitch a primary fence at the local detention center shimmied out, then scaled another fence about 13-feet high, crowned within razor wire. Although in the past hour or so we’re all relieved to hear he finally turned himself in, his story is already the stuff of legend. Little Rock’s KATV Channel 7 gave us this slice of life earlier:

“A theft suspect who was caught after he was swarmed by bees has escaped from the Faulkner County Jail.

Faulkner County sheriff’s deputies say that 46-year-old Ricky Dale Ford peeled back a section of chain-link fence to escape an exercise yard and then scaled a secondary fence Sunday afternoon to get loose.

Area law enforcement said Monday that Faulkner County deputies have not been able to find Ford.

Ford was riding a stolen ATV when he clipped a bee hive at a home on Billy Goat Mountain near Vilonia. He was caught Wednesday in nearby woods, where police found other stolen property.

When Ford struck the hive, the bees swarmed him, stinging him up to 100 times. Ford’s address is on nearby Nanny Goat Lane.

Ford was jailed after hospital treatment.”

There’s so much going on there I scarcely know where to begin. It’s no wonder Ricky Dale was compelled to give himself up considering the description of him published in the Log Cabin Democrat.

“FCSO Chief Deputy Jerry Gross said Ford was barefoot and was wearing black-and-white prison clothes when he escaped.”

And the real clincher,

“A deputy said Ford may still have visible whelps from the bee stings.

Ford is described as a white male about 6 feet tall with dark hair and a ‘mullet’ haircut.”

Why, this fella defines Audacity of Hope. Let’s forget for a moment that he’s a gentleman likely entering his heart-attack years. Nevermind the innumerable bee-stings that tasered him into the detention center in the first place. There’s a whole lot of believing (or something) that gets a man that age up and over a razor-wired fence. Barefooted.

I think someone needs to test the water up on Billy Goat Mountain. It may not explain the mullet, but it might go a long way in deciphering exactly what kind of country boys they’re growing up there.

Special thanks to my good friend Tony, who alerted me to the breaking news. If I wrote down one-tenth of the bizarre stories he tells me, I’d have to quit my day-job and scribble itinerantly.

20 thoughts on “Redneck Tasering and the Razor-wire Rodeo

  1. Whoah. All that's happened around here, is there was a guy in an upscale-area park going around flashing people. It was all over the news and stuff. We were in such danger!!!

  2. Billy Goat Mountain was the icing on the cake, and Nanny Goat Lane the little rock-hard, decorative sugar rose.

    Though to hear my Missouri-based family tell it, nothing unusual about being barefoot in Arkansas. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Ew, Julia. That's just nasty. Did they get the guy?

    Thanks so much, Girl! I messed up on another award award and I plan to fix it all immediately. Besides, I know so many cool writers on the internets.

    Oh, Stephanie. That's what Mississippi says about us all the time. And just so you know, Kentucky is nowhere near the bottom of the redneck pile.

    Susan, we need to send a little more excitement your way. That library book thing made me tear up a little.

    Serious Replies, just click on the KATV link and you can see that mullet in all its glory.

    Oh no, Steven. This is entirely unsettling. Did your escapees turn themselves in?

    See, i could never make up place names like Nanny Goat Lane. No one would believe me, Olivander. And I have PLENTY of stories about those Missouri folks. Mo and AR love trading punches like that.

  4. Girl, there is just so much to go with there, I'm not sure where to begin. Nanny Goat Lane. Billy Goat Mountain. Stolen ATV. Bee Stings. Mullet. Ricky Dale Ford.

    I've gotta move back to Arkansas. Got room for a single mom quickly approaching middle age in one of your creative writing courses?

  5. Barefoot. Mullet. Vengeful bees. Welts. Prison garb. A story with all these elements is necessarily good. I know for certain that mullets bring rotten luck to the heads to which they're attached.

  6. Candace, you're welcome to join my class anytime. If you need a place to live, I hear there's a vacant trailer up on Billy Goat Mountain right now.

    OK Granny, the truth is always stranger than anything we could dream up. I wonder about people all day long.

    MJ, I was wondering how long his mullet would last, given his re-incarceration and all. Since this gentleman may be on his way to the Big Pokey, I'll guess that mullet will be short-lived for sure. Bad luck, indeed.

  7. Heh. This morning, one of the Google-generated ads next to this post is, “Hey You Losing Your Hair?
    Would You Like To Grow Your Hair Back For The Holidays?”

    Word ver: skype. No, really. C'mon, Word Verification, throw me a bone, here!

  8. What an amazing escape and an even more surprising re-entry into incarceration.

    Sounds like your sheriff is interested in using the gutsy stuff that the escapee is made of, if he can find more, who are reasonably law-abiding !

  9. Half the fun of the ads is seeing what Google dreams up to match the content, Olivander. Apparently “mullet” is a Keyword. Oh my.

    Zacl, there's a surprising lack of difference between those who chase and those who are on the run down here. Country boys, all. The county buys clean up a little better, though.

    I love the troops right back, Nathanael! Y'all keep safe over there – don't make me worry.

  10. lol i'm glad to see someone else enjoys the police beat as much as i do. i figured that this story was gonna be the sermon at some baptist church around here. “Ya' know what happens when you steal boys and girls? Sometimes you get God's punishment through a 100 bee stings!”
    hell of a story

    this week some little girl got her 4-H bunny rabbits stolen, and the 10 yr. old who stole them was going around saying, “Cops can't do nothing to me! I'm only 10!” for crying out loud, you can't get more precocious or jd than that

  11. Whispering, you KNOW this will become a Vacation Bible School cautionary tale. And stealing 4-H bunnies may be the first step on a long road for that 10 year-old.

    Writing anything lately? I'll bet you are.

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