Achoo, Y’all

No Telling

Well, that didn’t take long. Let’s see…The Perfect Grandson began preschool last Thursday. Here it is the following Tuesday and every last person in this house is sniffling, coughing, sick. I’m not concerned that this is the swine/H1N1 flu business that seems to be everywhere but here, it’s just a cold or a collective allergy or something irritating that has all of us in the No Telling household grabbing tissues and drinking orange juice.

The Perfect Grandson prefers to wipe boogies all over his face in a lightning-fast one-two motion with the back of his little fist. Em says she’ll be glad when he gets older and isn’t so haphazard with his hygiene and learns to use a tissue.

I’m not telling her. You tell her.

The news is fraught with dire predictions about this flu. As someone who works in a sea of devil-may-care college students, this is the kind of train I’d like to see coming down the track before it hits me. College kids stay out too late, eat crappy food, and live too close to each other. Anything that comes on campus sweeps across it like the Black Plague. Just so you know, I’m unapologetic about wearing gloves during Pink-Eye Season and think nothing of running off students before they have a chance to touch a doorknob. Shoo! I say. And take your pink-eye with you to the health center.

My sister is an elementary school teacher in Birmingham, Alabama, and she told me tonight that just about everyone has that H1N1 business right now. She says they’re not closing down the schools because it wouldn’t make a lick of difference. I’ll bet they change their minds when they try finding substitute teachers in another week or so. Good luck with that, Birmingham.

As I am a Woman of a Certain Age it’s likely I was exposed to that last bout back in the 70s, which may very well provide some bullet-proofing. We’ll see. In the meantime I’m headed to Walgreens for a gallon jug of hand sanitizer and some Lysol spray, because these college kids love to kick you when you’re down.

I can’t do much about The Perfect Grandson’s germs, though. Especially since he wears them everywhere and all over. When the little guy feels poorly he wants extra hugs and kisses – and he’ll get them, too. He already has, that’s why we’re in this condition.

No kissing on the face, though. At least not until he’s old enough to use his shirttail instead.

34 thoughts on “Achoo, Y’all

  1. Oooohhhh boogies! Nothing you can do it. They're cute-as-a-button walking germs. It comes with the territory. Hope everyone feels better soon:)

  2. I saw a headline on Yahoo and it said that half the United States is gonna die of this flu. I ignored it, as hype. But now I go google, because all my friends are college kids and I eat worse food and stay up later and live in a bigger mess with more people than they do. All that's missing is the education. And if I get that job at Bath & Body Works, you betcher sweet butt I'll use my employee discount to blow my entire first paycheck on hand sanitizer and antibacterial soap.

    Oh and P.S., I'm getting paid for my first ever published article this week! I'm famous!! yeah, the bignosed pinkhaired chick with the striped pants and plaid skirt and sneakers is in fact me. the resemblence is uncanny actually. cept my hair is greeeen. AAAHHHH MONDA I AM PUBLISHED I AM SO EXCITED.

  3. I am loving your blog. There's something in the way that you write that just makes me smile.

    I've never had a flu. I usually come down with swollen glands but never experience the flu like other people do. I hope that's the same for this swine flu business. Up here in Canada everyone seems a lot less concerned about it. I guess being relaxed is built into us.

  4. They announced a plan to close schools here in France for any H1N1 case among the students or staff. Every parent on my staff is dead against the plan, because what are you going to do with a schoolful of kids suddenly home for two weeks? Either parents stay home, meaning massive absenteeism at offices and businesses everywhere, or you group them together and cancel the 'benefit' of closing the school in the first place.
    It's not a good answer.

  5. We're flu crazy here in the UK too! My eldest is 3 and goes to a school for children with special needs – which means it's a gang of kids with low immune systems bringing in the germs their siblings brought home from their schools! Oh JOY. Plus my husband is about to start working in a high school… there's no hope for us! My nearly two year old seems to think hugs replace tissues – the snail trails I've got on my tshirt are unbelievable!

  6. We use Boogie Wipes in our home. Initially I thought they were just a glorified tissue that The Man was charging a crap load for. After a particularly bad case of 'runny nose', I broke down and bought a package. My daughter actually ALLOWED ME TO WIPE HER NOSE. She thought it was a game and always sat very still! AMAZING! So worth the price! Now, when I'm sick I use them for myself! No more Rudolph The Red Nosed Mother and no more soreness!

    Best of luck with the germs!

  7. I'm a college student. And now I'm worrying if I should be taking these same precautions. I don't have the same attitude as most. And I don't stay out late and eat horribly and I don't want others' lack of preventative measures to override mine. =(

  8. Your blog is wonderful,i'm so enjoying all your posts!! So far no swine flu in my neck of the woods but I've got my fingers crossed as I type this:)

  9. Aww, I remember my first days of school (slightly of course), and I remember how many colds I used to get. I was just reading through a couple of other blogs and found myself enjoying them as much as this one and then I realized you had written them. I hope that one day I can receive the same accolades you have in your blogs. If you have time Id appreciate a visit to my recently created blog,

  10. Bah! I don't buy into all that swine flu crap – and I work in the health profession. I kind of feel like we've brought this on ourselves. We're so oversensitive about germs that we've stunted our immune system's growth. We don't let kids get exposed to anything anymore what with all of the antibacterial soaps, hand sanitizers, etc that they don't build a strong immune system, so that when something like H1N1 comes along, we'er just sitting ducks. Having created our own problem (like antibiotic allergies), we now have to deal with it. Eat right, get sleep, stay home when sick.

    Sorry for the rant…touched a nerve. (Monda, I love your posts and I feel the same way about students with pink-eye.)

  11. Mmmmmm….it will be a special time when he starts blowing his nose on his shirttail. That glob of snot hanging from the bottom of a little boy's shirt…nothing quite like it!

  12. So I'm browsing the blogs of note list and I happen to click on “No Telling” only to discover that you're Monda. You're Emily's mom. And I've been reading Emily's blog for quite a while now. She's an incredible writer and now I see she came by it honestly. For you are a talent as well.

  13. It's been quite a day. Time to catch up!

    It's a boogies, boogies, and more boogies 'round here, Cindy. Thanks for the well-wishing.

    Goodmood! How long did it take you?

    Oh, Julia! I'm so proud I could just scream. Get down with your published self!

    We American folk are never relaxed, Sandra. And I'll bet that makes for a stronger immune system.

    NanU, I wondered about that myself. Once the kids are home, so is everyone else. Will we just shut down like Mexico City did? I doubt it.

    How unfair is that, Nathanael? As if Iraq weren't bad enough, you have to be there with the flu? I wish there was some way to send you some good country cooking. You need comfort food.

    Rebecca, I'm on the hunt for these Boogie Wipes tonight. Thanks for telling me about them. Snail-trails – HA!

    You're not over the top, Steven, you're playing defense. My bag is stuffed with sanitizer and will continue to be until oh, say, April.

    Lovingkids, we were just talking today about how germy everything is – grocery store carts, doors, all of it. Besides, every home-schooling mom I know looks really, REALLY tired. Bless their hearts.

    Thanks, William and AK!

    There's not much flu here either, Joy. I figure we'll make it through Halloween before the bottom falls out. Thanks!

    Thanks, Bruce! Yes, I do have a blog or two out there besides this one. I've been the luckiest woman alive for about two weeks now.

    Rant on, GunDiva! I heard a whole bevy of health profs say the very same thing today, only louder and with more arm motions. Forget this flu thing, I'm making a t-shirt telling pink-eye folk to stay away!

    I know, Farmchick, I know. Getting a little misty here just thinking about it.

    I love that, Jan. Yes, I'm Emily's mom and she's an extraordinary writer who just doesn't know her power yet. She's too busy with classes and boogies right now to post much, but I'll direct her to your comment so she can get fired up. And she does Get Fired Up.

  14. I don't even have any children in my life, but the new school year has already slapped me. I have gotten sick from one of the many mothers of school children I work with. YUCK! I loved your blog. Thanks for sharing.

  15. Me and everyone at my company are hand sanitizer crazy! I keep a bottle at my desk and now the building management has placed one at every entrance and exit. Now if only we could get the carriers to use them! LOL

  16. I was in bed, for forty eight hours, every cell screaming in agony, and with no energy to get another box of paper tissues. I eventually used my t-shirt. Some of us never change. And oh, have I mentioned HOW MUCH I WANTED MY MOTHER!

  17. Kaszil101, those mamas! It's because we're kissing all those boogie-nosed kids. I see no relief for either of us for a while.

    I'm with you, Jenn. Those carriers need a little schooling.

    Forty-eight hours, huh? Since I use giving birth as my “true north” of pain and my ability to weather it, I'm figuring the flu is somewhat less than having twins and somewhat more than dental work. Am I close?

  18. Oh, I teach high school. We've only been back in session for three week and the human petri dishes have already infected me. I had to use my first sick day yesterday and I like to save that until the 9th graders are “housebroken”.

  19. My hats off to you, Monda, for weathering a sick little boy and still having time to write! I'm a nurse in Alabama & a homeschool mom, so I understand the being tired part!! I just started following you after your Blog of Note & love your writing & wit so much that I'm spending my spare time to archive lol! Good Job Girl đŸ™‚ Maybe one day my blog will also garner all the praise that you are getting…and you deserve it. Blog On!

  20. Eh. Swine flu, shmine flu. They can worry all that want. I'm pretty sure I will be like the 1% of the population in Steven King's “The Stand” who is resistent. And yes, I will help repopulate.

  21. I am so glad I found your blog. I love your writing style! It really makes me smile.

    I am like Steven above (or maybe even more over the top), I have hand sanitizer by my front door, I carry one in my purse, I have some at Jobs 1 & 2, and I also keep some in my car. I figure that way, I have all bases covered! To think I used to pick on my mother about always carrying sanitizer around…

  22. OMG Monda!! Just finished commenting to your post and someone called me to tell me that a local collage student tested positive for **Swine Flu**! Everyone is emailing everyone now…it like mass hysteria down here. LOL, I'm gonna just stay inside and make sure my weird un-socialized homeschool kids stay weird and un-socialized until this passes đŸ™‚

  23. Poor Cait. And you too, Rene. Listen, anyone who teaches ninth graders should be paid double.

    Hot Mess (I love that name), we had our first official H1N1 case today at the university. It's only a matter of time now.

    Saphron, that made me laugh out loud. Thanks for throwing yourself under the bus for the rest of us.

    Calamity, how is it you actually got the house to yourself? Women on here want to know.

  24. We here in San Diego haven't seen that ol' swine buggeroo since it took leave of us a few months ago. But they're telling us to get ready for an encore. Not the good kind.

    I happen to be one of the substitute teachers San Diego will attempt to call on when the “stuff” heads fanwards. We'll see how I'm doing about then. Half of us Americans are supposed to be swined before the dern thing runs its course, so I'm counting on being one of the stricken. It usually works that way for me.

  25. MJ, I've had two emails tonight from students who have it and won't be in class tomorrow. It appears this flu is doing it's own math. We never got the first bout, really.

    As someone who used to be a public school teacher, I know how important a sub is. If you and the school secretary get sick, the ballgame is over. Good luck!

  26. IT is that time of the year again. The temperature is about prime for growing those little germs We can't do much about their presence, but as you said can and should do our best not to let it spread.

    Listerine is a powerful weapon as proventative medacine.It's not a complete cure all, but pretty dam close. nick

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