Sarah Palin: Literacy Unplugged

No Telling

Sarah’s shopping a book deal, bless her heart. Since she’s already proven her shopping ability, this should be a piece of cake. What will she say to cuddle up to the reported 11 million-dollar advance? The real issue isn’t politics, though, it’s the glint in some publisher’s eye. If Rumpelstiltskin could spin straw into gold, publishers can, too.

Let’s be honest. I’m sure no one – no one – thinks she’ll tackle this without a competent ghostwriter. Not even Sarah herself has that kind of audacious hope.

So who’s the ghost going to be? Probably someone with years of ghostwriting experience and past successes. If they really wanted to follow through with the Sarah Palin template, they’d choose a relatively unknown writer. Someone folksy from some tiny town or state with scads of guns and churches. Someone, perhaps, who’s never really written anything before, but who has all this potential and is a quick study. The publishing house could gather a whole bevy of aides to teach the ghost things like verb agreement, comma usage, and – perhaps later – paragraphing. All of these skills could be learned on the job.

If a good portion of the country was willing to let our collective futures ride on such things with Governor Palin, surely some forward-thinking publishing house could do the same with her ghostwriter. It’s only money, take a chance.

Why, any one of us could fill that bill. Most of us are even over-qualified, so let’s do it. Got a catchy title? Already envisioning a snappy opening line? Maybe there’s a whole literary concept rattling around in your head. Post it in the comments. Who knows – Sarah may just snatch one of us up and hand us our Fifteen Minutes of Fame. Remember Joe the Plumber?

Exactly.

11 thoughts on “Sarah Palin: Literacy Unplugged

  1. Don’t forget you’d have to go to ALASKA. Good Lord. I’d have to buy a coat. I don’t know that I could be charming under those conditions.

  2. I was thinking she could just borrow the title from the O.J.Simpson book that never quite made it…Call it “If I Won” Hmm maybe “How I Won the 2008 Election”, “Why I hate My Daughter For Ruining Everything”,”How To Install Glass Ceilings” …that’s all ive got so far…there WILL be more though

  3. Ha! Upon hearing about this, my very first thought was also, “Huh. I wonder who they’ll get to ghostwrite it?”Remember when the guy who ghost-wrote OJ’s “I Did It!”–I mean, “<>If<> I Did It”–was so freaked out by the things OJ told him that he broke his silence–which ghostwriters <>never<> do? I wonder if we’ll get to see the same thing with Sarah’s? Suddenly there’s this guy on Access Hollywood saying, “Oh, my God, this woman is <>so<> crazy!”On the other hand, a non-ghostwritten, rambling, incoherent volume of paranoid ranting could be entertaining on a train-wreck level.I’ll bet it will be called, “Blame Katie: the Shocking True Story of How a Political Giant was Derailed by a Meanie Softball Interviewer”.If there’s any reference to lipstick in the title, I may have to burn her in effigy.

  4. Hmmm. Two O.J. references in a row. I think that says something important either about Sarah or about us. Olivander, you might be right. A woman who’d say yes to the vice presidency without blinking would have no problem saying yes to writing the book all by herself. Not to worry, though. I work with a whole bevy of linguists who could make their scholarly careers translating such a book. I’m with you on the “lipstick” thing. We can only take so much.

  5. Look at it this way, everyone. I’ve personally always wanted to see Alaska, perhaps a little less so since coming to know Ms. Palin, but still. I think I could stand it for the space of a normal vacation, say, about a week to ten days, which would certainly be ample time for any of us to record Ms. Palin’s putative words of wisdom. After all, we’d have to go home to make up the rest of the book anyway.

  6. My God, you’re right. A week, tops. i might be able to do it as long as no one forced me to eat wolf or moose or some other thing shot out of a plane.

  7. I dunno. After last week’s revelation that a) Ms Palin desperately wanted to be a sports reporter, and b) ESPN is based out of Bristol, CT, therefore c) she named her daughter Bristol, I don’t think I want to get trapped in the funhouse sideshow of her head.Today’s captcha code: “flixio”, the early 20th-Century movie company that never was.

  8. Dear God in Heaven, can you <>see<> her as a sports reporter????? Oh, I am truly LMLWTO (“Laughing My Little White Tushie Off”)! Oooo, maybe Tina Fey will do a little send-up of Ms. Palin visiting a locker room…we can dream.BTW, Monda, dear, <>Auntie Mame<> is one of my all-time favorite books. But I do think you're brave to read any more of that horrific South of the Border magical realism, e.g., Isabel Allende & her ilk. Slogging through G.G.M.'s <>One Hundred Years of Solitude<> just about finished me off on the entire genre for life. I had nightmares for weeks.

  9. A sports reporter. Vice President.You know, I’d actually like to read a book she wrote about herself, all by herself. Maybe it would finish her off forever and we wouldn’t have to bother with Sarah anymore.Oh, Kathi. I have a magical realism jones – can’t help it. Although Allende’s last book almost made me give her up, I’m hoping for a little crumb of something good in this one. On a side note, Genius was twice as good as Auntie Mame.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s